Monday, October 26, 2009

Bill's Vow

Bill’s Vow
It was the day of my flight. Only ten hours before I brought myself to the airport. I decided to go to mosque that day to say my last prayers in my homeland before I fly to Los Angeles. From there you can smell the scent of Jasmine flowers that the preacher’s wife grew in the garden adjacent to the mosque- the garden was full of people, all preparing for a wedding. Since it was a small town, and everybody knew almost everybody, people had the luxury to attend gathering like these even if you were uninvited. But I didn’t intend to stay, so I quietly walked my way in the place of worship, passing through the side so as not to disturb the workers preparing for the wedding. As I start worship I looked around and everyone was all fixed up; the groom was there and the bride was there too. I looked at my watch, 9:45 am. Only five hours left till I leave everything behind and start a new life. But I’ll be back… I just don’t know when. No one gave me a phone call or send message in my laptop to say bon voyage. I guess I was alright with it, except for one thing; I’m going to leave Bill behind. Bill was the only one who said goodbye…So I prayed.

God, I’ll be gone in several hours, I don’t know what will happen to me when I get to the other side of the world, where I will stay, when I will start excelling in my job, who to talk to when I’m here, or why I’m really going there. But all I know for sure is that a part of me is sad because I’m not going to see him in a long time. He told me he can wait. Can he? Can he really, God! I want him to wait for me, of course. But what if it took a long time for me to settle everything before I get back? What if while I was fixing my life he decided to move on? What if he chose to let me go and look for a new partner, a new woman to love? What if the time comes that he’d run out of love for me? What if?

God, I don’t want him to let go of me, ever. I love Bill so much. Please take care of him, Dear God, Always let him know that in a place far, far away from here, someone loves him so dearly.

He told me that when I get back he’s going to be waiting for me in the airport, down on one knee, holding up a small box with a ring in it, and proclaiming to everyone that he loves me and will not hide me, will not hide his feelings and wants to spend that rest of his days with me. I want that moment to come, God; I want that to come true.

Dear God, I’ll be gone in several hours. You know how much I love him. Keep me in his heart always, your will be done…

I really didn’t know how long I prayed, but when I opened my eyes, I saw the bride entering the place of worship, she is wearing elegant white wedding gown, so beautiful, her long veil covering her face so familiar to me…

I stared at her until she reached the side where I am, she was joined by a man so handsome, so dear… dear to my heart. It was Bill. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Bill was getting married! I was frozen, didn’t know what to do. I wanted to walk away… and run to them to stop the wedding, but my body was stationary, like there were invisible belts strapping me down on the pew, I tried to speak but no voice came out of my throat. No voice! I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk … I was helpless; I sat there the whole wedding. I tried to look through the bride’s veil, but I couldn’t figure out who she was. When did Bill meet the woman? Were they seeing each other while we were together? How could he do this to me? All my thoughts were jumbled in my head. All I could do was cry. My tears never stopped flowing. I listened to their vows, and there was a tone in the bride’s voice that brought a warm sensation in my whole body. My heart suddenly became calm and showed down from beating too fast. For some reason, I felt I was the one delivering the vows to Bill, in the words only I have the ability to express.

“You may take Bill as your lawful husband…”

The wedding was almost over. All they had to do is seal the event facing the people … telling the whole world they were husband and wife! I manage to whisper to myself, “I Love you Bill, Forever.” To my surprise, despite the distance, I heard him answer me.

“I love you too, Chesham.”

Much to my astonishment, when he pulled up her veil, there I was, in that elegant, beautiful gown. I was the bride all along. And then Bill held my hand………

“Chesham, Chesham…”

The sound of my name being called grew louder and louder until I felt someone slightly rocking me I opened my eyes, I was still in that holy worship place, and there was the bride, in her white gown and long veil, walking towards the ceremonial path where the vicar is waiting, I felt someone hold my hand, I looked to my side, and there was Bill, smiling at me, “I can’t believe you feel asleep here,” he whispered to me, I looked at my watch 10:55 am. I was about to tell him everything that I saw when he said, “Let’s just watch the wedding , It’s old Mohad’s daughter tying the knot with this guy whom she were engaged to marry him as parents arrangement.” So we did, Once it was finished, we went to great old Mohad and gave our regards, then we walked home.

“One day I’ll be waiting for you at the end of that holy place, “Bill told me as we were walking. “And I’ll be looking at you, a beautiful silhouette of the woman I love. I’ll be saying my vow to you in the holy place like I’ve said from the first time I’ve told you that I love you, I’ll be proclaiming to the whole world that you’re mine and I’m yours, and that we’ll never be apart because our hearts are bound as one.”

He picked up a tiny purple Jasmine flower with its stem, attached the end of the stem to the flower, and he knelt down on the sidewalk, took my left ring finger and slipped in the tiny purple Jasmine flower, “I love you, Chesham, Marry me someday.”

I helped him up and embraced him, an embrace that gave warmth to my soul, “I will marry you Bill,” I said, “I promise.”

“All passengers of flight 716-Philippine Airlines bound for L.A. are requested to be on board,” It was caught my attention when I heard the announcement it’s time for me to leave my family is waiting. Once again I look back… try to find someone ohhh… here they are Bill and his wife with their son they will took the other flight they seems very happy, memories… only memories bind us together. Maybe, this is enough…We need to move on for the good of us for his family and my family as well. I was there in his wedding… promises….not anymore! This is my last visit in Philippines and maybe never come back.” I said to myself…never... and never… love this way again. I held my back to the chair and fasten my seat belt took a smile then close my eyes in my thoughts I recall the last time I was with him….somewhere, somehow … in paradise we see each other again and feel the warmth of his love and promises.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Carousel Boy

Huge plastic full of cotton candy on one hand,my mom's arm in the other, we walked around the carnival during one spring afternoon. I was eight back then, and every year we go to the carnival just 10 minutes away from our house. My mom would usually buy me little bears, both the teddy from our house. My mom would usually buy me little bears, both the teddy and the gummy, and make me hop in the small rides. She'd just look on, cheering. Then we'd stop by a small snow cone booth and have a taste of the blueberry, watermelon and green apple flavors. As the sun would set, my dad picks us up just in time for me to catch some cartoons on TV.

Happy as it sounds, I never was satisfied in just going to the carnival. I've always wanted to ride the carousel. I want to ride on one of the horses and imagine myself galloping on lush meadows as I glimpse at the colorful dragonflies flying by the abundant flowerbeds. And every time I see the picket fence surrounding the meadows, I always see someone far away. It was a face of a boy, and he was also riding a horse. The boy had shiny brown hair and round , blue eyes. He would always wave at me, asking me to come over him, which I will. Then we'd play by the flowerbeds, catch the dragonflies and set them free. That illusion always comes back in my mind every time we go back every single year. I've been asking my mom to bring me there ever since I was five, but she won't let me because I'm "too little to ride them."
A year after I last asked her, we went back to the carnival. I saw the carousel once again, But I Hesitated to ask mom, as she might say "no" once more. As I rode the small rides, I kept gazing at the horses, and the small carriages behind them. Suddenly, clear as ever, the illusion came back.I saw the lush meadows, the colorful butterflies, the abundant flowerbeds, the boy... it was all so wonderful.

"Yaasmeen, is there something wrong?"

I guess my sadness came out etched on my face. Mom brought me to one of the benches. "Aren't you happy?" she asked. I had to ride that carousel. Somehow. I felt something was pulling me towards it. "Mom," I said, "can I ride the carousel?"

Her gentle face turned into a firm one. Uh-oh, I thought, she's going to say no again. I knew it. But after a few seconds of silence, she smiled and replied."I think you're big enough to ride," The happiness just overwhelmed me. From the moment I was waiting in the line till I got on one of the horses, my grin reached my ears. At last, I'm on. My illusion was lingering in my head. Then the most surprising thing happened.

Riding beside me was the boy, I wasn't sure if it was really the same boy I saw in my illusion, but as I gazed at him, he had the same shiny, brown hair and round, blue eyes. For some reason, it felt like we knew each other for a long time. "Hi," he said. He was grinning. I just smiled back. We didn't talk to each other during the whole ride, but we laughed when we look at each other. When the ride stopped, he hopped down and reached his hand to me, helping me down the horse, "I guess I'll see you around,"he said.
I nodded and said,"I guess."Then mom started calling me.
"yaasmeen, come on, dad's waiting,"
"yaasmeen," the boy said, I'll try to remember that name." Then he ran until he was out of sight.
As we walked out of the carnival, we passed by a photo shop where they sell candid pictures of people in the rides, "Oh look, sweetie," mom said as she pointed at one picture. "That's you on the carousel!"She bought the picture and handed it to me. It was a photo of me and the boy, smiling at each other.

Twenty years have passed, and the photo is still with me. Too bad I forgot to get his name. At least he's not in an illusion anymore. I may not get to see him ever again, but whenever we go to the carnival and see the carousel, it feels like there was a reason for me to ride it.It's for me to meet him, and only time can tell if we really meant for each other I'll see him again and I think that was enough.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Power of Love

Love has been the subject of so many written masterpieces... be it renowned poets or by typical teenagers who fall in love.
Love is powerful. Anyone has probably experienced being in love.Oh, just the thought of special someone would be enough to quicken your heart-beat; to smile secretly; to lose your concentration; or even to dream endlessly. Truly, love has its own way of completing your day or ruining it.
But love is not felt only through emotions, it is expressed.It is tinged with many hues that makes life more meaningful. But, it can be drastic that may lead you to the verged of an end.Love is endless happiness but it is also endless sacrifice, worth living but also worth dying. Love is not blind, it sees but it doesn't mind. Love is unfair, the more you sacrifice the more you hurt.Love is anything that you'll never know until you feel it.Love is like the sun-it gives warmth and radiance in your life.It is the only feeling in this world that makes one feel safe and active.But you know what, the best of all, we have GOD and his greatest Love give us life, give us inspiration to live and struggle for life.God is the greatest! and because he is in our hearts there will be no pain, no worries and problems. Be not be afraid to walk with Him, and He will make all the ways easy for Us.We are inspired with His Love and we will live by His undying Love.
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