Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Woman name Zheshkah, "Life Trail"

           The true of childhood and giving up is fascinating experiences and joyful moments that she treasures a lot, she works hard and was inspired with too much care and love of her father, though most of the time she was beaten up for any mistakes she committed.Always her uncle depend her most of the time do the tasks given to her and finished that on time.But, it didn't took too long for he died when he was 25 years old because of cancer.Yes, she used to remember  in her childhood, she must  get up as early as 3:00 o'clock in the morning to cook for breakfast and  at 4:00 o'clock , she had to go with her grandfather to harvest vegetables in the farm to be sold in the market and at 6:00 o'clock, before sun rises she had to bring the horse to the field and while riding on his back she is  singing  a lullaby song she learned from her mom. She needs to go  back to the house before 7:00 for her to get ready for school, a daily routine assigned to her with no complain. That would not end up to that... she had to bring some chocolates, biscuits, bread and candies not for her snacks but for sale.She only had to study and read her lecture notes while selling those items to her classmates and teachers.She had to sleep very late at night for she need to finished the chores and 20 minutes before bedtime she had to answer her school assignments, but that was almost 12 midnight.For every mistakes she got,   she always been punished, they do that  to discipline her. A training for her to be tough, to be a strong woman, but she will not enter in military for she is just a petite and weak person. But what is the world outside? She is only happy and feel comfortable if she is with her friends and classmates, she feel calm and secured if she is praying in the house of God. She feel the  importance and proud if she excels in school.There is only a piece of doubt that bothers in her mind, why only her was treated like that. All of her sisters are not doing anything , they enjoy their childhood, they wear new and nice clothes and they don't even washed clothes, cook and went with her father to the farm only her. She always wish her auntie would come again to visit her. It was a long time that she didn't see her,  after her marriage to his American boyfriend.She always  remember, she was treated" like  a little princess" when her aunt was still with her. What she recalls... when she was in grade school when her aunt bade goodbye and go with her husband in America. Always her aunt send money for her but, since they were too many so she didn't bother to  ask for more. Until she had the courage to apply for a scholarship and  study for free. She never complains even when she was in her college years she still don't stop the routine work for her.She gets matured in her early age. For all her painstaking work she graduated with honors. And for her that was the most important day in her life seeing her father smile and hug her saying with pride and confidence, "that's my daughter! I am so proud of you!"
                   With the rule of reason and repression, sacrifices to awaken the inner self, storm, they says, "it almost dreaded her, because she woke the being she was always hulling, and stirred up a craving cry in her childhood and grow as unsatisfied and craving for love and care of a father, of a family. That she needs  to be good, faithful and must excel in all aspects for her to be loved and be given attention and importance."This longing, and all of a similar kind," was necessary to knock on her head, which she did  it  figuratively, after the manner of pain, suffering and a big question that only now she realizes and understand why she is treated like that, and another why... she suffer much pain and struggle to live, to earn and crave for the love and care she didn't feel in most of her childhood, until a man came to her life, succumb..., but she saw the light, the hope, the care, happiness and willingness to understand what life is.
                     Although it is true that she is reticent and evasive about her past, it is not true she evade it entirely, nor it is true that the sources of her purest misery must remain a mystery to the reader.Although it was not describe specific events of her childhood and young womanhood, she does describes the pattern of them.Her marriage seems a repetition of the pain and struggle in her childhood , you see her happy outside but crying inside.
                    When you asked her a lot of her childhood... grief, trouble and sacrifices she weep... but seen in her beautiful face, she never feel regrets nor asking for more, for a new life, the family where she grows,still the family she will keep and choose in spite of the truth that she never felt happiness and  accepted by them. No respect was given to her even though she help her father to support them in their studies, that she has to set aside her priorities, her own life just to follow his father to help them. Still her sisters were so mean to her that gives her a  lot of pain, and ask herself again ..." why?... why they are like that? What have I done?", All her life, she help her father to send her sisters in good school and she never complains, never heard she is complaining of anything she does for the family.
                  Well, where was I? Not only in what spot of her suffering, but in what she is now! As she tells me, she will continue her struggle and overcome adversity without noticeable damage of whatever may come for her in the future. They are like clouds, that sometimes cloudy, windy and stormy , because for her past gives her completeness, "she loved the past". Her part and her obstacles in her part prevent them from fully inhabiting the present and confidently looking forward for her future. this is not possible for her, in where past too much has gone wrong.
                  "A sudden amazement at her own perverse proceeding stretch like a bow upon me". I saw her courage, her strong determination in spite of all her experiences, a trail she could have done better had I known herself better.
                Talking with her , spending much time listening to her, she leads a useful, independent life. She can take pride in knowing herself successful in the face of almost insurmountable odds.For it is the victory of solitary, and I know, because she told me, that this is not enough for her. She has always hoped for a happy marriage, of a complete happy family in which she can express and fulfill her hidden inner self. She is such so wonderful and lovable woman of courage and inspiration."The artist can cry, can laugh, can fight, can heal wounds of distress, as Zheshkah does, she shall not stop hoping!" for she believe in this world chaos and struggle is just a battle to fight for, to move on... just keep the faith and confidence, and think the most high who always keep us and guide us here in our hearts,... in this world... and... in paradise.-"To God be the glory!"


And I Hear the Silence

                 Life has meaning to leave and love
                       and love give meaning to life,
                  love that lead us to be true to one another!
                        but quest and circumstances breaks the silence,
                   silence for the world which seems went wrong.
                   To reach before us like a hand of dreams,
                        so wonderful, so beautiful, so true,
                        nor just but joy, nor love, nor hate, nor light,
                        nor gratitude, nor peace or help for pain,
                        the  undying truth of reality and life experience.

                   And I am here, open my arms, bowed with confused
                        confidence... struggling, fighting for woes and worries
                        that no ignorance nor innocence reach by my sight.